Socket to me socket to me socket to me socket to me
Sunday January 07th 2024, 10:28 pm
Filed under: Friends,Life,Lupus

We were visiting our oldest’s for Thanksgiving when she offered me some lupus-protective sunblock for the walk we were about to take with the grandkids: and that is how I found the lump in that upper socket.

I just figured a zit was about to pop in a weird spot. It didn’t. I mentioned it to the optometrist, who immediately referred me to the right eye doctor.

It has grown since then. Not a lot. It is harder. A little. But definitely.

They could not get me in before January.

All this time I’ve been ignoring it, going, it’s no big deal, I can’t do a thing about it yet if it is, things have always turned out okay so far so this one will, too.

The theory on that anti-tumor-necrosis factor that granted me these last 20 and a half years is that it could cause cancer about twenty years out, and since I was trying really hard at the time to still be alive the next day that sure sounded like a bargain to me. It was.

So it’s kind of interesting to find myself trying not to freak out after all this calm nonchalance now that the appointment is only two days away. I don’t know if I’m finally giving myself permission to feel the possibilities?

No! Because I said so. Look at all that yarn and plans (acknowledging that I have let myself down with a bit of a knitting slump of late) and hopes waiting on me. My grandkids. Time. I want all of it.

Just typing that out loud makes it sound pretty overwrought. Good. I’m quite happy to go back to the no-big-deal.

I just want to know–but when I do, maybe I’ll just want to be back to where I didn’t have to know yet, and I know that, too.

You know exactly what I need to do here: get those needles moving. Create some love to put out into the world.

Being told out of the blue today that an old friend has inoperable stage 4 cancer says that sometimes things turn out a very big deal and life is so fragile and you just never know. Love your dear ones.

Me, I’m looking forward to helping my oldest granddaughter in her pursuit of learning to be a lifetime Knitter with a capital K.

6 Comments so far
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All kinds of prayers going out to you. There’s nothing more to say.

Comment by Pegi F 01.08.24 @ 3:52 am

Oh, yikes! I think you have done a great job of not freaking out preemptively, and I hope you get that good news soon. Hang in there!

Comment by ccr in MA 01.08.24 @ 6:17 am

Prayers from here

Comment by Chris+S+in+Canada 01.08.24 @ 7:30 am

I hope you got a fun knitting project started. Yes, the brain can still squirrel while knitting, but somehow it helps whatever be a little easier, to make something. Big hug and so hoping for easy news and quicker appointments to get it resolved.

Comment by DebbieR 01.08.24 @ 8:30 am

NO!!! Absolutely NO!!!

Comment by Jayleen Hatmaker 01.08.24 @ 9:35 am

Ah, yes. That blasted clock ticking away. I will have you in my thoughts on Tues. Please do the same for me on Wednesday when it is my turn to find out ……

Meanwhile, generic blankets and a lot of craft room sorting…

Comment by Holly 01.08.24 @ 8:50 pm

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