Never really ready
Friday January 18th 2013, 1:44 pm
Filed under: Family,Life

When the call comes in at that hour, you know.

I quietly turned off the alarm on my side while Richard talked to his brother-in-law. He confirmed to me the news from what would have been his mother’s point of view as she’d struggled through it all rather than ours in our sense of loss, telling me, not, She’s gone, but rather, It’s over. I wondered at how he’d somehow said what felt like the right words for her sake. He then in turn called each of our children, with tears.

Tuesday, after Lynn’s loss, when Richard got home I had told him CALL. YOUR. FOLKS. He felt it too. He is so glad he did.

Wednesday, I was flipping through the CD changer and stopped at an old Carole King album I hadn’t listened to in a goodly while. I don’t know if it even got to this song before I turned the stereo off and walked out the door, but her “Only Love Is Real,” followed by the line, “everything else is illusion” sang in my head all evening yesterday as I went off to Purlescence, all night, and first thing this morning when that phone rang with the news.

I’ve been trying to send a card every week with nature scenes, mostly birds, for some time now as my small part in supporting everybody there from our physical distance. I missed the mailman yesterday, ruefully, and got one ready a few minutes too late and put a Forever stamp…on… and looked at that envelope and that stamp and felt in my bones, she’ll never see this one.

But they had given them encouraging news two days ago that the time was not so imminent, I protested to myself, not wanting it to be true. Her youngest had flown in that afternoon and I wanted my sister-in-law to at long last have more time than that with her mother. Sister-in-law had been recovering from cancer treatments herself and was finally able to make it there.

Goodbye, Mom Hyde. We love you.

Richard added that the brother-in-law who’d called us had already told Dad he had a place to live with them. No need to uproot again. Never to have to be alone. At the timing of his choice.

21 Comments so far
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My condolences to you for the loss of your mother-in-law’s company, and my congratulations to her for a life well lived, and best wishes for a rapturous reunion with people she has long been parted from.

Comment by LauraN 01.18.13 @ 3:05 pm

So well put, Laura! I’m not sure what to add to that…

Sending prayers for all of you.

Comment by Suzanne from Montreal 01.18.13 @ 7:02 pm

I am so sorry for your and Richard’s loss. What a beautiful thing that you both know to treasure people while they are still present. Still. Grief is a hard thing.

Comment by Diana Troldahl 01.18.13 @ 7:13 pm

You may be prepared, but never ready.

Sending hugs to you all.

Comment by Lene 01.18.13 @ 8:31 pm

I’m so, so sorry for your loss.

Comment by Debbi 01.19.13 @ 5:04 am

It sounds like she will be remembered with love. I pray for strength and comfort for all of you.

Comment by Sherry in Idaho 01.19.13 @ 8:03 am

Sending good thoughts for all of you. And wishing the happy, healthy memories keep you smiling, even with the tears. Only love is real indeed.

Comment by DebbieR 01.19.13 @ 9:37 am

Oh Alison, I’m so sorry. Your faith shines through in every post, in every action. May it carry you through this time, too, while you grieve and also celebrate a life well-lived.

Comment by Deb 01.19.13 @ 9:41 am

Richard’s parents were our first friends when we moved from Palo Alto to the Washington, DC area.We raised our children together, and you were the only one of our six children who married someone we already knew. Your mother and Jennie often exchanged wisdom on raising the kids–and lots of other things. We referred to them as Uncle George and Aunt Jennie. We were in the same study groups and often in each other’s homes. She was a fine lady, we loved her, and we will miss her. I’m glad memorial services will be held in SLC so that we can see the family again.
On a somewhat related subject, today’s paper had the obituary of Maren Hardy, 93; she, too, will have a SLC memorial service a week from today, Saturday afternoon.
Our condolences to Richard

Comment by Dad 01.19.13 @ 10:04 am

Thank you for sharing those private moments. It keeps me grounded, knowing there are still families like yours.

Ironically, last night before I went to bed, I got an email from my aunt about another of her cousins passing. She too is no longer suffering.

Comment by Channon 01.19.13 @ 10:16 am

I’m so sorry, and yet – it was her time. Blessings for you all.

Comment by melanie 01.19.13 @ 10:32 am

there are no words

praying for you all

Comment by bev 01.19.13 @ 10:52 am

“It’s over.” The waiting and the suffering. But not forgotten. My condolences to Richard and the entire family.

Comment by Don Meyer 01.19.13 @ 10:57 am

As a widow myself, I can’t help but be pleased at the invitation your brother-in-law made to Dad Hyde. Thanks for mentioning that.

Comment by RobinM 01.19.13 @ 11:28 am

I’m so sorry for your loss.
As Channon said, ” It keeps me grounded, knowing there are still families like yours. ”
Bless you all.

Comment by karen 01.19.13 @ 2:58 pm

Still praying.

Comment by Jody 01.19.13 @ 10:31 pm

My thoughts are with you and your family. My mom’s sister’s memorial service was held yesterday. Just a bit too much loss and sadness this time of year.

Comment by LynnM 01.20.13 @ 4:22 am

I am so sorry for you and Richard and your family for the loss of one so loved. My understanding of immortality is different from that of many of your readers, but nonetheless…

The woman who so influenced the development of your partner on this planet, who influenced you and yours through your own experience of her, must have played a profound role in your ongoing spiritual growth. Given the love that emanates from your writings, that influence continues to move through the universe, touching people who never knew her personally. That is my definition of immortal, and I hope you and your family find some comfort in that.

Blessed be.

Comment by twinsetellen 01.20.13 @ 7:48 am

Oh honey. I’m so sorry. Wish I could be there with you and your family, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You know that your brother-in-law and sister-in-law are cherished friends, as are you. (Beloved’s memorial service yesterday was just perfect, as is our new grandson.)

Comment by Lynn 01.20.13 @ 8:41 am

I remember when all my friends were getting married, or having babies… now it seems we are all losing our parents and our in-laws; so hard. Your mother-in-law was clearly a wonderful person, and well loved. Peace and solace to your husband, to you, and your family.

Comment by India 01.20.13 @ 3:05 pm

I am so sorry to hear of your and your husband’s loss.

Comment by Afton 01.22.13 @ 6:05 am

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