Open that door for me, wouldja? Thanks. Wait–no? You’ll walk into it and burn yourself? You are SO my child!
(Waits ten minutes. Checks email. Child/perpetrator wanders off. Back in kitchen, alone now. Opens oven door. Waits.)
Dustpan and brush? Check.
No. Wait. Synthetic. Might melt. Hmm.
(Re-establishes dominance over oatmeal pie crust: you WILL adhere to those sides this time thankyouverymuch. No playing trampoline this time.)
Opens oven. Broom proves a little awkward–let’s not sweep old hairballs all the way across the kitchen onto the newly-reestablished pie crust, okay?
Child enters. Oven devoid of major pieces, down to the last sandyish bits. Exclaims, I didn’t mean for you to have to do that! Tells child to look at pie crust. Oh Mom, you did it!
Blows across fingertips. Heh. Puts rack back in place. Turns oven back on. Tells child she can prebake her pie crust shortly. Doesn’t mention not actually liking banana cream pie child is looking forward to, much less banana soycream pie. There’s another crust, safely baked, spread with melted chocolate, waiting for strawberries and strawberry puree filling; that will definitely do the job nicely.