Door to door in the dark
Friday January 03rd 2014, 10:52 pm
Filed under: Life

I opened the door at about 8 pm in the dark.

“I’m not selling anything, I’m not here about anything political or religious.”

I’m a Mormon. The guy had no idea why I laughed.

“And your neighbor Dave over there and Sarah over in the cul-de-sac said that you wouldn’t have any dogs barking or biting to worry about or anything and that you were cool, so, I’m here to tell you about some fundraising I’m doing for” (names a cause that sounds good) “and I’m here from Chicago and helping by getting credits for” (selling these magazines but claiming it was all for donations’ sake.)

I smiled and said I was very familiar with (his spiel, basically) that we hear it several times a year. But I wasn’t interested in buying any magazines.

But I hadn’t closed the door yet, and I did let him show me a page listing some of those magazines, so he continued in great pretended earnestness, and when I apologized for the No Solicitors sign he told me he had a problem with reading, he was so sorry (and yet you want me to write down all my financial information and name and address that you say you wouldn’t be able to read.)


What he didn’t know is that he completely gave himself away in the second sentence, not that I needed him to. He was counting on neighbors not knowing neighbors–but we do, we have a much-celebrated annual block party that has expanded over the years as people in the next block and the next have asked to be included; we all wear name tags. There is no Sarah and there is no Dave, those were as fake as the rest of the guy’s come-on.

Nor did that voice sound like it was from Chicago.

Maybe I was as fake as he was by not saying any of that but I can definitely live with that.

My husband, hearing from the next room, complimented me afterwards on how nice I was as I finally got him to go away (was he checking to see who was home and who was still away on vacation?) But then, it was cold out there and what I really wanted to do was just go find the guy a much warmer sweater than that thin one he had on.

But not so much so as I’d knit him one, y’know?

7 Comments so far
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ROFL. Now, what do you do if a loved one asks you to knit something that you really don’t want to knit, but she is pretty much on your knitworthy list? I told her to get the pattern and the yarn. We will see. LOL.

Comment by Sherry in Idaho 01.04.14 @ 3:59 am

Sounds like he picked the wrong person to lie to!

Comment by Jody 01.04.14 @ 6:31 am

Probably the thin sweater was also part of the ruse. I help several real causes, and it’s so frustrating to see fakers trying to abuse that trust.

Comment by DebbieR 01.04.14 @ 8:58 am

More than once, I have wished I could screen the front door like one screens phone calls. 🙂

Comment by Ruth 01.04.14 @ 10:48 am

Oh my, do be careful. I had the same thing happen to me about five years ago. I told him I was busy cooking dinner and he glanced through the partially opened door and asked if he could come in and share dinner. Being alone, I was not about to let him know that. From his accent, he obviously was not from this area. I hate it when solicitors leave pamphlets on my door when I am away letting whoever know that there’s none home perhaps for several days.

Comment by Joan 01.04.14 @ 7:07 pm

They are everywhere. I once had a couple guys knock on my door after dark, and I answered… cable company, said they noticed my satellite dish and wanted to tell me why cable was better. Funny thing is that I had switched from the satellite back to cable (yes, that company) about three months earlier…lol! Really? Either check your records, or come up with a better line.

Comment by Pam 01.04.14 @ 7:48 pm

We use “Nextdoor” in our neighborhood. People post about suspicious solicitors. I usually ask if they have something they can leave with me, so I can think about it.

Comment by Anne 01.06.14 @ 1:14 pm

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