Happy New Year!
Monday December 31st 2007, 1:15 pm
Filed under: Life

I get to spare you the picture because there is none. At the time, it would have been, don’t you dare photograph this! Now, I kind of wish we had, because I assure you there will never be another chance.

For several years, I had my hair dyed professionally: I figured I knew nothing of what was inside those boxes at Target and I wasn’t going to be one of those people whose hair glowed a vivid purple halo in the sunlight–I was going to do it right. Someone had asked me if I was the mother of the bride when my oldest was 13 and I was 36. Yikes.

The stylist liked to play with my hair after she was done, just for fun. One time, it happened to be New Year’s Eve, and I mentioned we were going to a party that evening. Well, hey!

When she grabbed a can of hairspray, I wondered; earth mother is so much more my style, but whatever. I can be adventurous. She started combing my hair straight upwards, lacquering every little strand. She emptied the can, while I tried to breathe. She grabbed another, and I think she emptied that one, too.

I went from there to pick up my drycleaning to get the dress I was going to be wearing to the party. I’d been going to that drycleaner for years. The woman there stared at me as I walked in, and it took her a moment to realize that having her jaw hanging open probably wasn’t leaving the best impression. She thought to shut it. But her eyes couldn’t leave that space floating just above my head, and I felt them following me back out the door. I tried to think, don’t I look smashing?

I got home and went straight to the mirror. This was around the time when Trump was called The Donald by his first wife Ivana, and she had this huge bouffant hairdo. Which somehow was now sitting transplanted onto my head.

I declared to my husband, “Only the truly rich need to pay to look this bad.” With an eye on the time and the start of that party, I ran into the shower and scrubbed that hairspray out and turned back into plain Alison, the glass slippers kicked off and the pumpkin carriage collapsing in the compost bin. Before the clock struck midnight’s celebrations.


10 Comments so far
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For my first marriage, I went to my mom’s hairstylist in small-town Michigan.
My hair was so high that when I sat to drive my hair squooshed against the inside of the roof. I spent the drive home slapping my hand on top of my head trying desperately to flatten it.

Comment by Diana Troldahl 12.31.07 @ 1:22 pm

that is so funny! Sometimes I wonder what hairdressers are thinking. Somehow what is in their heads does not translate to a good hairstyle. You made the right choice jumping in shower.

Comment by Vicki 12.31.07 @ 2:46 pm

I think maybe there is some heirarchy in stylists pertaining to who can get the biggest hair. Some sort of Josephine (as opposed to Napoleon) complex!

Comment by sophanne 12.31.07 @ 4:20 pm

Oh too funny. That reminds me of the time my mom thought I needed a perm the night before school pictures. Afro. Nuff said.

Comment by Lisa 12.31.07 @ 4:22 pm

I would’ve paid money to see that. πŸ˜‰

Comment by Lene 12.31.07 @ 6:45 pm

Been there done that several times!! Have onl;y had a few successful hairstyles done professionally! I tend to leave mine in a braid, it comes down to be combed and washed its long and heavy enough that if I leave it down I end up w/ a headache and almost smother myself when asleep πŸ™‚

Comment by Danielle from SW Mo 12.31.07 @ 8:25 pm

Sorry bout that I forgot to tell you to have a Happy and Safe New Years!!!

Comment by Danielle from SW Mo 12.31.07 @ 8:26 pm

Too funny! Back in the 60’s when updo’s were really UPdo’s, my aunt lost a parakeet who took a ride out of her house on her “do” which the bird must have thought was a mobile-nest!

Comment by Tammy Morrow 01.01.08 @ 10:31 am

That is why they are called Hair Dressers My Friend!
I have washed it all away more than once…and I too am just the Curley Topped Natural One…The Goddess would love us….But still, I can’t help wishing that I had seen it all done UP πŸ˜‰
Happy New Year Dear One…to all you and yours!!

Comment by Sheila E 01.02.08 @ 7:14 pm

It could be worse — I got asked if I was my seven-year-old’s grandmother this summer. And I’ve been called Leif’s grandma twice now. At least that’s almost maybe physically possible…

Comment by Michelle 01.03.08 @ 8:52 pm



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